Believe it or not

These two news items caught my attention this week. Made me shake my head.

1) A prison in Quebec released a man early this month because he was tooo fat. Yep - while the fat guy in the US who said he was too fat to kill (see earlier post) lost his case and remains on death row - this 430 lb guy in Quebec is too fat to incarcerate (interesting implications if he re-offends). Unfortunately they were unable to find a table and chair for him, although I can't imagine he got that fat by eating standing up all the time.

http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/536090

2) A mother in Indiana was pulled over and charged with impaired. Officers were aghast that the woman had an infant with her in the car. She was not just endangering herself and other drivers but also her baby. They called her husband to the station to pick the baby up. He drove himself to the station and after officers were suspicious he was charged with impaired (he may well have been drinking with his wife beforehand but that's not clear - what is clear is that he was stupid enough to drive to the police station loaded). They then called his parents to come and pick up the baby. Grandma, who drove, smelled of liquor but tested just under the limit. When they suggested Grandpa drive he was found to be over the legal limit. Police decided to escort them home (but they left the baby with the pissed family). Great judgment all around.

Barry Bonds thinks we're stupid

That should hardly surprise anyone I suppose. He is still categorically denying using steriods but he has an interesting strategy in defending himself against federal charges that he lied to the grand jury.

His lawyers sought to have charges dropped due to ambiguous questions like:

"in the weeks and months leading up leading up to November 2000, were you taking steroids?"

He answered no but his lawyers are saying this had an ambiguous time element. If he says he didn't take steriods ever why would that be a problem.

Oh I thought you meant two months and I took steriods in August!

In the weeks and months during which no team has called you to play baseball did you remain an arrogant bastard?

Stefan Dion thinks we're stupid too

Stefan Dion says the Conservatives are horrible for the country. He says he has better policies (although he seems to continue to be unwilling to vote against theirs).

But he doesn't want an election just now. He goes so far as to suggest that Harper is breaking a promise to hold fixed date elections.

We all know he'd be keen if he thought he could win. He's worried about losing his job (which should happen anyway).

Now Harper thinks we're stupid too because he doesn't want the election funding hearings to go on so that we can hear that Conservatives are just as dishonest as Liberals. There will likely be criminal charges.

The economy is getting worse too so a renewed mandate now (even with a similar minority) might see him through the rough spots and cost Dion his job giving Harper even more time.

of course non of us will figure that out so they will point at each other, blame each other for the election and then continue to treat us like ignorant rubes. and we will vote for them and validate thier opinion of us.

If they're asking for ugly women what do the guys look like?

The mayor of a mining town in the Australian outback suggested recently that ugly women should consider moving to his town. Like a lot of resource communities, the male to female ratio is not favourable from a male perspective. Rather than extoll the virtues of his community and the opportunity - including rich single males - he seems to be saying only the most desparate women would be willing to come get some from hard drinking sweaty miners. I can imagine that the town's tourist campaign is great:

Its hot and dusty but if you like to drink at shift change we have a party for you. Watch desparate dirty ugly men fight over the newest ugly arrival.

Well they did vote for the mayor - and he may just be hoping for his own date and the good looking ones keep turning him down. I wonder if Monica Lewinsky is looking for a position as an intern in municipal politics.

Hotness a habit?

A priest in Italy is organizing a beauty pageant for nuns. Yes - that's correct - a beauty pageant for nuns. I suppose we can be thankful its not a beauty pageant for alter boys but this really does seem somewhat misguided. I have friends to tell me horror stories of nuns at Catholic school harranging them for too short skirts and makeup. What's this one going to be? I don't imagine there will be a swim suit event. I can hear the priest now.

Hear comes Sister Magdalena wearing . . . . the same f'n habit as Sister Teresa.

While it may be intended to celebrate beauty in a modest way it simply comes across as another old catholic perve looking to get thrills by parading women around. I'm guessing he tried to convince the nuns to let him have a contest with the graduating class and had to settle for Mother Superior. Desparate times indeed.

Harper Continues to Think We're Stupid

Stephen Harper has every reason to believe that Stephan Dion is a dull and plodding leader who simply fails to inspire Canadians (and who thinks that leading means not voting in Parliament) so the Conservatives should win a federal election in Canada. The reason he is mulling an election call now though, has much more to do with his party's in and out election funding scheme and keeping that out of the news before an election. There are likly criminal charges and the Conservatives are boycotting the committee meetings (which is similar to the Liberal/Dion absentions only illegal rather than just gutless) to try to delay appearances. We will undoubetly have an election this fall so the Conservatives don't get into trouble for cheating until after the election (and may, in fact, cheat again). Harper really does think we're stupid.

Another Milli Vanilli

This is almost too weird to be funny. The cute as a button girl who sang the patriotic song at the opening cerimonies for the Olympics in Bejing was lip syncing the words sung by another young girl. A member of the Politburo in China (talk about micro-managing) decided the good singer wasn't cute enough to be the face of China's youth and that the cute girl wasn't a goo enough singer to be the voice of China's youth.

Apparently the people in charge aren't smart enough to be the brain of China's leadership.

It won't be long until ugly athletes are replaced on podium to get medals in the interest of putting the best face forward - so to speak.

Its not clear that this is unique though. It almost happened in the US. Democrat Bill Richardson is too fat to be president. Dennis Kucinich is to weird and troll-lke (and his very young wife has a navel piercing but that's besides the point). Sure John Edwards has a clintonian eye and urge for staff but he's cute with good hair so we should elect him.

I doubt that there's an Ugly Betty type Ugly Chang show in China.

Hillary Screwed Again

So John Edwards finally fessed up and acknowledged that he diddled the campaign video producer. Its clear this was a democratic campaign as it was full of free love and partner swapping. its not clear whether Edwards was first or last or somewhere in the middle as another member of the campaign staff apparently fathered a child with the woman in question (for that matter it could have been simultaneous but we digress). Republicans have nice decent wholesome women working on their campaigns so they go to hookers or airport washrooms for their extramarital sex lest we give them a free pass.

The most interesting part of this is the question of whether Hillary would have gotten a bunch of the Edwards votes, most notably in Iowa, had the voters known that he was boinking a campaign worker while his wife got cancer treatment. It is just another voter getting screwed but it may be significant in the view of some Americans. Another indignity visited upon poor Hillary who was also embarrassed by Slick Willy on at least one and likely many more occassions.

There is hope I suppose. Perhaps Obama will get caught screwing around and Hillary will get another chance.

Apparently God is pissed off

If you believe the folks who are members of Westboro Baptist Church (mostly comprised of the family of founder and head Fred Phelps), God commits random acts of vengeance on individuals because he (or she) is pissed off about various things. They highlight this belief by celebrating at funerals of soldiers or victims of violence.

They began by celebrating at soldiers funerals saying that God was killing people in Iraq because the US had gays and allowed abortions. They are now branching out to Canada. They are planning to celebrate at the funeral of Tim McLean (the young man who was stabbed and decapitated on a bus in Manitoba last week). They say this is the punishment for Canada allowing abortions. Fortunately thus far they have been turned away at the border but they suggest they will continue to try to get in.

This depraved indifference to people's suffering and clear desire for publicity is horrific. I really wonder if where this hateful belief (they have a website godhatesfags.com among others) comes from and if they really can't see the ridiculous illogic of their position.

1) How do you decide what is evil, bad luck and what is god punishing evil? You'd need a direct line to God to distinguish. 12 people died in a bus crash in Texas today. God or a blown tire? I don't mean to make light of people's deaths at all. I do mean to highlight the ridiculous randomness of the deaths that these whackos choose.

2) How does God pick his victims?

3) How does God rationalize killing if he doesn't allow others to do it? Do as I say but not as I do?

4) If he/she is sending a message about homosexuals and abortions, wouldn't it make more sense to smite gays and abortionists or those who have them? Why the subtlety? Especially since this little inbred family from Topeka seems to be the only one that's getting the message.

Now if God were to smite the Westboro Baptist Church folks on their way to a hateful funeral celebration, I might pay some attention. I might then get the message. Otherwise, I think I'll take my chances. God knows he can find me.

World's Biggest Dumb Ass

A gentleman in Michigan was recently arrested as he arrived at a meeting with what he believed to be a 14 year old girl. To his surprise the "14 year old" that he met on the Internet was actually a police officer. He missed the irony that he was wearing his World's Best Dad t-shirt to an attempted sexual liason with a 14 year old. A real father figure. Perhaps he'll meet someone in jail with a World's Best Cell Mate t-shirt. Better take your soap on a rope pall.

In a different but equally stupid incident, a couple were skinny dipping in thier hotel pool at 3 am. I doubt they were intoxicated. When a female policewoman came and politely asked them to cover up and head back their apartment, they so appreciated the opportunity to escape embarrassing charges that they stayed in the pool and offered the officer $20 to strip down and join them. All the officer removed was her handcuffs which she then proceeded to apply to the couple.

And finally, a teenager in the Georgia (the state not the country) was apprehended recently for a string of car breakins. Apparently he left his cell phone in one of the cars. In an excellent piece of police investigative work, an officer called the most recent number on the call display, said he had found the phone and wanted to know whose it was so he could return it. A friend gave the teens name to police and the phone was returned at the time of arrest.

Apparently there are no longer any master criminals out there so the spiderman movies should get a lot shorter.

I don't want him, we can't kill him, he's too fat for me

I was reminded of the Too Fat Polka reading a news post from an inmate on death row who claims he is too fat to be executed.

Never mind the irony of arguing that you are not healthy enough to be killed.

First, while I am often accused (with some justification) of leaning to the righting - alright maybe falling over to the right - , I am not a big fan of the death penalty. There are simply too many opportunities for errors and misuse.

That said, I find it ludicrous that weight gain acquired during his incarceration has now rendered him unkillable. Maybe he should simply be released as his "supersize me" death row diet might be considered cruel and unusual punishment. Or the lack of exercise? He'd probably also go to court if they tried to make him lose weight so that he could be killed. Get him on Herbal Magic and suddenly he's to skinny to kill? Is there a weight window? Like the chart in my Dr's office - rather than BMI we now have a DWI - a death weight index. Too high or too low and its life in prison or some sort of diet to heathly you up enough to kill you.

McCain Apologizes for calling a voter a cow

John McCain apologized today for referring to a female who attended on of his campaign speeches in Texas as a cow.

The comment was heard on a microphone that the presumptive republican candidate didn't know was live. He leaned over to an aide and said "That brown haired one in the back is quite a cow."

Barack Obama's campaign immediately condemned McCains comments saying they were hurtful and exlusionary.

McCain appeared on stage later with the audience member and offered a clearly heartfelt apology. "My comments were made without thinking in a private conversation. It will not happen again."

The animal's owner, rancher Biff Stake, said its a mistake that urban dwellers frequently make. "Sure, he should have known he was a bull but it was a really cold day and the animal was way at the back of the audience."